Tuesday, August 28

Rediscovery: The Sequel

A good book is a book that no matter how many times you read, there are yet something for you to cultivate. And this is just one of it. I remember reading it once in 2007, and rereading it again yesterday just made me discover something new, more importantly, rediscover some part of me that has been forgotten.

Nothing ever stays the same, the mall that I work in has undergone major renovation; the road that I take everyday has additional ramp; friends and family members around me have taken me by surprised in some way or another... And even me myself, has changed so much over the years. Once a vulgar, hot tempered and naive brat, now except for still being naive, the first two have bid me goodbye. Good riddance! Even the way I'm communicating with my younger sister now has slightly changed. Putting down my ego and joining her camwhoring, instead of reacting to her wrongdoing with snarl but inspire her through other ways, at least she moved away from Mr. FB and volunteered to prepare drinks for the last dinner I cooked, at least she took the initiative to learn how to make McFlurry, at least, she started to change her attitude; at least she herself picked up a few books and promised to finish it. Hopefully by the time she finishes Who moved my cheese? a better result could be witnessed. 

"Keep doing the same things over and over again and wonder why things don't get better. If this wasn't so ridiculous, it would be even funnier."

Change, still adapting to the life without you but I wouldn't say I'm not enjoying it. With the extra time I have, I get to attend my colleagues' birthday dinner or farewell, get to catch up with some old friends and from there I enjoy hearing their stories. The adventure to dive in the dark cold ocean, the friendliness of the people in gay bar, the frequent travelling to other countries for work of an ex-senior, the cultural differences brought back by secondees from other countries, the firm foundation of a long distance relationship, the long term relationship that teeters on the brink of break-up, all of them is like a unique story on their own, with values that I could enrich myself. 

Nothing ever stays the same, perhaps that's why sometimes we should just take a little time to step back and re-look/redo the things/people that we thought we know so well, who knows you might just rediscover something new? 

It has been a revolutionary time, but the amazing feeling of discovering what you wanted at the end is what you wanted at the beginning is immensely comforting. 

p.s. Who moved my cheese? is a MUST READ, simple metaphor but could be useful for life. It only takes at most one hour to finish, simple and straightforward.


Sometimes, I get confused by my own beliefs and emotions.
Who am I?

Tuesday, August 21

Small Retreat

It's not my first time setting foot in Ipoh, but the novelty never wears off as if my every visit to this place was the very first. The food that revives my taste bud, the stalagmites and the stalactites that reintroduce the beauty of the Mother nature, how could I ever get bored of this place? 

Ah, I'm so going to miss the white coffee! 

Sunday, August 12

Another night waking up in the middle of the night with my heart pace doubled. Frustrated by the fact that all the attempts getting back to sleep are to no avail, I hauled myself out of my bed and sit by the window, staring blankly into the darkness, hoping the serenity of the night could perhaps turn into serendipity. 

From the corner of my eyes, I could see my own reflection on the window, sitting calmly with my chin resting effortlessly on the back of my hand, akin to the Thinker. Oh the Great Thinker, what was it that put you into such deep thought? Were you too pondering the one word so widely known but only few grasp the true meaning of it? Love, what is it all about? Some say love is like a rubix cube, there are countless numbers of wrong twists and turns, but when you get it right, it looks perfect no matter what way you look at it. So the question is, what is the combination of perfection? I know not, but the best quote that has caught my attention is this:

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Loves is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in others people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."  ----- Nicholas Sparks, A Walk To Remember

My reflection on the window gradually lost its form, replaced by the wisp of memories reeled back in time, replaying themselves in front of me...

how we spent hours and hours making the yet-to-be-completed papier-mâché photoframe for your sister's wedding, how you cheered me up when I screwed up the wedding medley on your sister's wedding ceremony, how our hands sweat for the first time we hold each other's hand, how you cried on our first valentine's, the embarrassing moment when I accidentally called your dad "dad", how I always failed to surprise you, how you jokingly whacked me when I first gave you the invisible letter and how you fell into the same trick again the second time, how you were mad at me for telling white lies and made me a completely real person as I'm now, how you took away my worries and sorrow when I was down, the extra milo powder in your milo ice, how I pecked on your cheek in cinema unannounced, the cake that you baked for our 8 months, how you ate 4 and a quarter of mochi in one shot and the happiness shined all over your face, how we sacrificed sleeping time to skype when you're in New Zealand, how we communicated through emails, how I piggybacked you around, shout our lungs out while we're playing watersport in Penang, decorating mashmallows for Min Min's first birthday, how you crave for fatty crab or tian xiang, how I tucked you in bed everytime you're sick, how we talked about the future happily, how you tried to teach me dance but the poorly coordinated torso brings nothing but laughter, the wonderful night you donned in cyan maxi dress and the candle light dinner prepared all by yourself, the share of excitement when you won the championship of your very first ball room dance competition, the beef steak that turned out quite mediocre and the cream puff that doesn't puff...

What has brought these two totally unconnected persons together? And what was it then that has contributed to the current situation? Was it muscle memory that urged you to cling to my arm or was the hidden desire of yours? Is true love just once in a lifetime? If you could walk your life once more, how differently would you choose your path this time? If there's a still chance to turn things around, would you let it slipped through your fingers or hold it as tight as you could and never let it go again? And if I ask you to dance, would you dance with me?

I struggled tremendously deciding if I should publish this post or should I just keep it as a draft. As much as you want to avoid inflicting any further pain on me, I too hope that you could walk away easier. But that's the thing about seeing the pearl that you once hold so dear but now it's not being treated as good as it used to be. Since I've promised you I won't hold back even knowing that you would read this, I'll just go by my words, hope this will not become the reason that jeopardise the friendship we have now. I'll remain silent but he better holds you tight and gives you all his love...



Thursday, August 2

Simply Awesome!

This is the email that made my day this morning. 

Mike, a vacation trainee seconded from Chicago whom I worked with few weeks back. Such sincerity and friendliness! Thanks Mike, you're always welcome to visit Malaysia, and next time, I'll make sure I fulfil my obligation as a host. And this is what my manager told me after spending weeks of sleepless night plodding through a mountain of work.

What a stark contrast! Perhaps the latter one has magnified the appreciation I felt when I read Mike's email. Not only he denied our hardwork, he even trying to take credits at our expense. I wonder who was the one requesting us to combine all worksheets in one excel file but convert each tab into PDF for submission despite how we told you it's redundant and inefficient; who was the one keeping quiet when the client has not provided us all the information as agreed but refused to revise the timeline; where were you when the client was making a huge fuss out of nothing; who was the one knowing nothing after reviewing the file and asked my newly joined junior to clear queries with partner? And since when were you working late? I've seen you missing-in-action more than anything else. Despite all your incompetency and inconsideration, I've still did what you've asked in respect of your position, but it does not mean that I respect you as a person. 

If this happened to me last year, I might just keep quiet and take it with a sigh, but not now. Obviously, I'd not succumb to this Hobson's choice and I'll fight for what is rightfully mine, meaning both my OT and my performance! 

"If you want change, you have to make it. 
If we want progress we have to drive it."