At at a moment like this, I'd pick up my phone and dial the number I know by heart and share all the things that excites me during the day or just listen to your voice and there goes all my sorrow. When my mind swirl into chaos, she always has this power to command the chaos back in order. Many of the times, she's the only one whom I wanted to share with, as though she's the gravity my life circles around, sounds dangerous but true. That was when I was still lucky enough to be in possession of that special someone. But now that I've lost her, I've to fall back to this quiet little space, to put things down in words and trying to clear my mind.

You see, I'm too a human, nothing more nor less. When my mind is unoccupied, it conscientiously races down to my memory lane, drawing fleets and fleets of memories from the back of my mind and lodges them in front of my eyes. Sweet, sour, and some funny feelings I couldn't quite tell. And somehow when all these emotions jumbled up, it often associates with questions like how are you? Are you well? Are you happy? Where on earth are you now? and urges me to dial your number. When all these questions meet no end, they turned into the ugliest feeling spreading hatred in me. This really surprised me, guilty and disgusted by the thought, I have to keep myself busy before I left it uncontrollable and allowing this little devil to impair the goodwill we've built thus far. No, not a single speck or blemish is allowed to mar this last piece of gift from you. This is a tiresome mind warfare, but it all paid off when I still find myself being able to talk to you like a long lost friend. It's always great to hear from you and it comforts me that at least I didn't screw this up.

So you're still pretty much the same, even the grudge on me not getting you anything on your last birthday has not dwindled a tad. Speaking of which, your birthday is just around the corner, this year, in a different position, allow me to say this, "Happy Birthday! May your dreams stay big, problem stays small!"

p.s. Happy 3 years-old Hachio!