Another night waking up in the middle of the night with my heart pace doubled. Frustrated by the fact that all the attempts getting back to sleep are to no avail, I hauled myself out of my bed and sit by the window, staring blankly into the darkness, hoping the serenity of the night could perhaps turn into serendipity. 

From the corner of my eyes, I could see my own reflection on the window, sitting calmly with my chin resting effortlessly on the back of my hand, akin to the Thinker. Oh the Great Thinker, what was it that put you into such deep thought? Were you too pondering the one word so widely known but only few grasp the true meaning of it? Love, what is it all about? Some say love is like a rubix cube, there are countless numbers of wrong twists and turns, but when you get it right, it looks perfect no matter what way you look at it. So the question is, what is the combination of perfection? I know not, but the best quote that has caught my attention is this:

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Loves is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in others people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."  ----- Nicholas Sparks, A Walk To Remember

My reflection on the window gradually lost its form, replaced by the wisp of memories reeled back in time, replaying themselves in front of me...

how we spent hours and hours making the yet-to-be-completed papier-mâché photoframe for your sister's wedding, how you cheered me up when I screwed up the wedding medley on your sister's wedding ceremony, how our hands sweat for the first time we hold each other's hand, how you cried on our first valentine's, the embarrassing moment when I accidentally called your dad "dad", how I always failed to surprise you, how you jokingly whacked me when I first gave you the invisible letter and how you fell into the same trick again the second time, how you were mad at me for telling white lies and made me a completely real person as I'm now, how you took away my worries and sorrow when I was down, the extra milo powder in your milo ice, how I pecked on your cheek in cinema unannounced, the cake that you baked for our 8 months, how you ate 4 and a quarter of mochi in one shot and the happiness shined all over your face, how we sacrificed sleeping time to skype when you're in New Zealand, how we communicated through emails, how I piggybacked you around, shout our lungs out while we're playing watersport in Penang, decorating mashmallows for Min Min's first birthday, how you crave for fatty crab or tian xiang, how I tucked you in bed everytime you're sick, how we talked about the future happily, how you tried to teach me dance but the poorly coordinated torso brings nothing but laughter, the wonderful night you donned in cyan maxi dress and the candle light dinner prepared all by yourself, the share of excitement when you won the championship of your very first ball room dance competition, the beef steak that turned out quite mediocre and the cream puff that doesn't puff...

What has brought these two totally unconnected persons together? And what was it then that has contributed to the current situation? Was it muscle memory that urged you to cling to my arm or was the hidden desire of yours? Is true love just once in a lifetime? If you could walk your life once more, how differently would you choose your path this time? If there's a still chance to turn things around, would you let it slipped through your fingers or hold it as tight as you could and never let it go again? And if I ask you to dance, would you dance with me?

I struggled tremendously deciding if I should publish this post or should I just keep it as a draft. As much as you want to avoid inflicting any further pain on me, I too hope that you could walk away easier. But that's the thing about seeing the pearl that you once hold so dear but now it's not being treated as good as it used to be. Since I've promised you I won't hold back even knowing that you would read this, I'll just go by my words, hope this will not become the reason that jeopardise the friendship we have now. I'll remain silent but he better holds you tight and gives you all his love...

好難得在地球上七十億人之中，我們握住彼此的手；

好難得在一生的兩萬多個日子裡，我們相擁走過一段路；

好難得在你的人生風景，曾閃過我的名字和我的樣子。

無論最後我們有沒有走下去，

每段相處都是彼此生命中，獨一無二的好難得。